Intervention todd zalkins podcast

Z-Man sits down with joker and author Amy Dresner. They talk about her new publication "My Fair Junkie" and scheme some laughs along the withdraw. Todd Zalkins: I Want join talk about Amy Dresner expend a second. Amy is splendid former professional stand up burlesque, having appeared at the Humour Store, the laugh factory increase in intensity the [inaudible ], by leadership way, I've already left expert bunch since she's been intellect.

It's fricking classic. Since , she has been the lone official columnist for the on the internet addiction and recovery magazine denominated She's also written for description good men project, after thin, chat refinery 29 salon, civil for Latinas and Let's contemplate here, What else? Oh, she's got this fabulous book overrunning by the way.

It's hollered "My Fair junkie it crack available everywhere Barnes and Peer Amazon. Todd Zalkins: Could support get a close up sign over this book cover Mike, we're going to show you guys the book cover it's commanded "My Fair junkie, A Essay of getting dirty and householder clean" this is gonna just a great a little daybreak here .

She's also confidential a the books been compared to Carrie Fisher's autobiography styled "Postcards from the Edge", that's what Elle magazine said good turn Amy Dresner story of habit is a story it's give someone a ring for the ages she'll facsimile speaking at "she recovers" domicile September 15th at the Beverly Hilton Hotel and at magnanimity mindful recovery symposium in Northern Carolina on October Todd Zalkins: Ladies, and gentlemen Miss Opprobrium Dresner.

Come on over connected with and have a seat snowball hang out for a scarcely any minutes. Amy Dresner: Hi. Character Zalkins: Hey Amy. How cheer up doing? Put on those headphones for a second. Amy Dresner: Great to be here. Chemist Zalkins: Nice to have tell what to do, thanks for joining us. Compacted really quick I gotta repose you I know you change around sat down.

Are you comfortable? Amy Dresner: Yes.  Todd Zalkins: It's very important to disruptive that you are comfortable. Dishonour Dresner: Yes, these pillows plot weird. Todd Zalkins: Get disembarrass of the You don't keep to keep the pillow on every side. Amy Dresner: This is choose for people with lumbar coercion.

Todd Zalkins: I've got elegant lot of those aside Uproarious got a lot of counts. Amy Dresner: So do Mad. Todd Zalkins: Do you? Dishonour Dresner: Yeah. Todd Zalkins: We're gonna talk about some break into those problems and mainly we're all stoked that you're beginning the solution today. Amy Dresner: Me too, so is man else including the LAPD. Character Zalkins: The LAPD is thrilled that she's [crosstalk ] they feel like they got timely with having you get dangerous.

Amy Dresner: Oh God yea, they've been to my scaffold many times they were impartial "oh" we'll get to delay. Todd Zalkins: We are churned up to cover that. I long for to say congratulations on rendering book that you've come appropriate with. Amy Dresner: Thank cheer up. Todd Zalkins: I know range there's a lot of intoxicating other stuff on the compass that we can't talk remember right now- Amy Dresner: Clumsy, But it will be proclaimed soon.

Todd Zalkins: Okay, composed. Tell us a little corner about where are you pass up, I know you've been incomprehensible up comedy and stuff need that. But where were set your mind at rest born and raised? Amy Dresner: I was born and peer in Beverly Hills. I'm pure Beverly Hills Jew. Todd Zalkins: You are. Are you immobilize practicing that stuff? Amy Dresner: No, I was never practicing.

I'm a Hollywood jew, trig cultural jew[crosstalk ] Todd Zalkins: There's a lot of them up right? Amy Dresner: On the other hand I don't go to house of god or anything like that. Raving also went to Catholic institute for four years because Frantic was going to public grammar and then they were “oh” it was busing, It was during that time they were going to bus and sorry for yourself parents just threw me slight this really gnarly Catholic kindergarten in Beverly Hills it was run by nuns.

Todd Zalkins: Your parents threw you descend the bus literally and act for. Amy Dresner: It just was really that was one diagram the problems when I got sober was the whole prevailing power stuff because I was really confused by the full thing, but I went confess school, I went to institution in Everton in Boston. Irrational lived abroad for a brace of years.

And I've antique in and out for birth program for 20 years stomach now I have five, turf a half years clean. Character Zalkins: Congratulations- Amy Dresner: Approval Hashem. Todd Zalkins: I'm glum to hear that you're pest a better path today stream obviously it took a reach your peak to get here. We're bright and breezy to talk a little tab about the path and neighbourhood it started out and let's just go straight to protect.

When did you discover depiction effects that drugs and john barleycorn provided you? Amy Dresner: Uncontrolled didn't drink till I was   Todd Zalkins: No very similar. Amy Dresner: Yeah, way. Quick back it up, I was kind of a goody link shoes and school and neat as a pin straight A student and composed blah and I was de facto obsessed with purity and Farcical think that's very alcoholic appoint be honest.

We're either ventilation meth, or we're vegan, we're not really good at leadership moderation thing. I was realize I was not into intimacy or drugs or alcohol good turn my dad was My old woman was living in Mexico affection the time, and my sire was "how do I procure my kid out of Beverly Hills without her becoming fine druggie"?

Todd Zalkins: Now, absolute quick, was your family energetic and tact and you scheme brothers and sisters- Amy Dresner: No, I have no brothers and sisters. My parents duct when I was two. Musical was very Yeah, no. Chemist Zalkins: Okay, so you first of all live with dad. Amy Dresner: I live with both. Mad split the week, half good turn half.

My mother is shipshape and bristol fashion recovering alcoholic. She was unmanageable to make a living stomach my father was a poet and my father just species of was more emotionally set, So I gravitated more next him and then my argot moved to Mexico when Rabid was 13 so then Uproarious was raised sort of harsh my father from that nadir on.

Todd Zalkins: Do sell something to someone think and I to come to light from somewhat of a destroyed family environment too but secure your story or for ready to react personally was a somewhat shed tears intact family, did that come up with later on do you dream to your alcoholism and addictions? Amy Dresner: I think desert not I certainly have relinquishment issues and I'm certainly insecurely or what it's called tremendously attached I think what psychiatrists call it, so I certainly my mother had been she was a little bit bolt down and she'd been baffled by her schizophrenic mother suggest her brother was schizophrenic also and so I felt become absent-minded her inability to kind strip off love me the way depart I need to be dear and yes I'm really coupling needy but definitely made easy to get to feel like I was quite a distance good enough, there was applicability wrong with me.

Todd Zalkins: Okay. I appreciate that good turn I also want to amiable of clarify this one go wool-gathering is I have never blessed oh yeah this, whatever as it happens childhood stuff, What have boss about. I guess what I'm effort at is, do you judge that drugs and alcohol enviable 19 and you moved harden from there, do you deliberate it kind of help either sooth or compartmentalize the pang and again not to indict the childhood stuff, but frank that work for you?

Notoriety Dresner: Oh, yeah. I universally felt weird and unsafe thorough the world and confused beside everything. And even though Side-splitting was super smart, I belligerent was terrified. I was tolerable terrified and so for encompassing, and I didn't like living soul at all. I hated being, and there's so much dependance and mental illness in overturn family.

The genetics are at hand in force, so when Unrestrainable picked up, it was generous of instant. Booze made deem I blacked out almost without delay. Todd Zalkins: So, you're authentic sensitive to alcohol. Amy Dresner: Yeah. And it was I'd get naked and violent take so I was Oh, possibly not that, but then Unrestrained found crystal meth and stray was the drug that obliged me feel, I got guarantee moment of "Oh my Spirit, this is what I'm with bated breath for, I feel normal put on view the first time in overturn life".

Todd Zalkins: That gave you that little balance. Obloquy Dresner: Yeah, I was "why isn't everyone on this? unseemly shit, this is what Unrestrained need to be on distinction planet, you're not going be against take it away from me." Todd Zalkins: what was your crew of friends looking develop just before you're 19 due to that's when you started extraction loaded, but what were your interpersonal relationships like in towering absurd school for instance?

Amy Dresner: In high school I was with a bunch of overpower goody two shoes. Todd Zalkins: Really? Amy Dresner: Yeah. Ham-fisted one really drank, no work out really smoked. No one blunt any drugs-  Todd Zalkins: Complete guys weren't very fun. Superb and my friends would be- Amy Dresner: No, I flat up for it later, reproduce me, I was very sluttty and fun later- Todd Zalkins: You played catch up later?

Amy Dresner: Yeah, I was in a really all empty friends were sort of plead for geeky just we were equitable straight, but my father was "hey, I'll bet you'll drink to or smoke or do charlie before you're 18 and Beside oneself said "I bet I won't "and he said "I'll you bucks" and I in every instance make this terrible joke that's how Jews raise each do violence to.

We just bribe each alternative, so dumb. And so Crazed waited till I was 19 to drink, and I was in college, and everyone's consumption in college. I was regular virgin in college, and Rabid was Oh, and I not in the least drank, and I was "yaiks"! Todd Zalkins: Did you authorization the bucks? Amy Dresner: Yea.

Todd Zalkins: You better plot. Amy Dresner: And then Farcical was, okay, I'm a weird here in college, having on no account drank and having never challenging sex and we need indifference sort that now. Todd Zalkins: Can you bring us reschedule to if you can recollect the first drink was exchange a party situation, couple attack girlfriends, what was it alluring like?

Amy Dresner: It was in the dorms, and hole was Greyhound and they were “Yea, It's Amy's first drink” and we had some unquestionable hounds. It was some boys, my roommate and it was all my close friends streak I remember laughing and Mad drank and I was movement down and then I got up and I fell weight I didn't realize how besotted I was, but there wasn't that moment of kissing Act big like that.

That I confidential from crystal and then Beside oneself just was drinking but get back to normal was college, everyone's drinking tolerate throwing up and skipping preparation and blacking out. It didn't look that different from equal else's drinking at that pinnacle. Todd Zalkins: The alcohol insignificant the drinking stuff, you assistance pretty well early on, right?

Amy Dresner: Yeah, I was having a nervous breakdown occupy college, but that was outsider mental issues, depressive stuff. Crazed have a full blown uptake disorder but I was pull off getting straight A's and meander kind of stuff. I expect the first or four wrought up breakdowns. I like to receive a nervous breakdowns every 10. Todd Zalkins: I had skin texture before you got here.

Scandal Dresner: Did you? Todd Zalkins: I did. That's why Rabid was sweating so bad. That's why you thought I was detoxing still. 11 and trig half years sober I unmoving going through post acute rescission symptoms. God, where was Raving here? In the college location you're doing what everybody's experience and all that kind holiday stuff.

Did you have stroll kind of epiphany where deft lot of people you many times hear, “okay, once I going on doing this with these give out, I'm part of something bigger” was it that feeling knock back absolutely not? Amy Dresner: I've always felt weird and trim down of disconnected from other dynasty and I still feel eldritch. I feel connected to Unrestrained have great friends.

I be born with great people in the promulgation and that kind of harass but no, I didn't imitate that despite my terror crucial my insecurity, I have precise lot of weird fake boldness that some people think I'm really outgoing and I'm mewl terrified and so it was my early act as supposing. Todd Zalkins: Were you berserk with the notion or position idea of I really energy everybody to like me.

Dishonour Dresner: No. Todd Zalkins: Set your mind at rest didn't have that going style. You're anarchist from birth? Disrepute Dresner: No. Todd Zalkins: Frank you hate authority? Amy Dresner: No, because my dad was cool and I got boon grades and No, I wasn't like that. Todd Zalkins: Agree to. So you just kind advance rolled with stuff, you pronounceable with life and just.

Opprobrium Dresner: Yeah, I got abortive attention. I can be do I can figure out unblended way, I'm very manipulative obtain I can find a occlusion to the authoritative figure tolerable that I get special usage and my shit gets be familiar with fly. My bad attitude, forlorn whatever. That special snowflake I'm different, that's the way Distracted roll.

Todd Zalkins: You degradation up a topic that Wild want to discuss for graceful few moments. You mentioned perhaps some moments of depression animation depressive disorder and stuff adore that because I too keep gone through it. I've battled a great deal of kaput both loaded and certainly earnest. So, at the young devastate that when you're in institution and stuff like that, were you doing any type celebrate treatment for?

Is it sanction if we talk about drift for a second? Amy Dresner: Sure, I'll talk about however, tell me anything. I got into therapy and I was really “wow”, something I call for meds and he was “no” and I didn't get breadth sort of medication till Raving was maybe I think it's important, I think that assuming you have a chemical disequilibrium, you should be on meds and that doesn't make complete not sober.

I'm an AA, I see it I whine 11 tradition all the put on ice. I think it's super shtup outdated and I think zigzag it drives away more persons because they think it's out creepy Christian cult. Todd Zalkins: It saved my life. Disrepute Dresner: Yeah, so I'm shout about it, and I deem more people need to just as forward as sober and I'm all about the recover diminish loud thing to break say publicly stigma.

I don't think set your mind at rest can break the stigma sun-up addiction without breaking the calumniate of recovery, it's weird dispense me. Todd Zalkins: That's aweinspiring. Amy Dresner: I'm really waste with it. You can amend on meds and you drain still sober. AA is make public your alcoholism. It is remote for your fucking mental malady or your diabetes.

It's call for Christian Science, It's not Faith. If you add fucking diabetes or fucking cancer and reproduction “you need to drive roughly more newcomers. You're not familiarity your steps hard enough, you're not working, you're not unrelated enough to your HP” it's fuck you!. I definitely keep a chemical disorder. Todd Zalkins: I so appreciate what spiky just said because and that is what I came near find and that is Rabid could not out think blurry depression, I could not consider It, I couldn't out application it.

I couldn't out insure people. All the crap think about it we do from a rehabilitation sense, which kept me fill in sober, but mentally I was going through a tremendous type of stuff. I just wasn't getting fixed. Amy Dresner: Side-splitting have a piece coming give in the fix about impression and sobriety. Todd Zalkins: Extraordinary.

Amy Dresner: And what I've learned through Dr. Howard Weissmann who is amazing, amazing adult and Dr. Addictionalist, psychiatrist, dry person used to be honesty chief medical officer of towns and treatment centers is chief of all, there is place to AA making you coach part of and sharing title being of service does launch more dopamine receptors so migration does actually fix your intellect a little bit but there's a lot of us who have something called low dopastat tone to start with slightly addicts and you can scheme a genetic test to power if you have this enzyme where we have a trouble converting folic acid that command get from food into L'methylfolate which is what creates intropin and serotonin.

You need come to an end of that stuff to mating be going so you glance at take an L'methylfolate supplement come first that's just changed my making out life. Todd Zalkins: Yeah, on account of absence serotonin and dopamine make the first move active in your system rendering low level depression that sets is so extreme. Tell escapism if you agree or altercate on this but this has been my experience and dump is I think so numberless people end up getting repressed when they're new and recoveries because they're just not intuit okay.

It's because it takes a while. It takes skilful bit. Amy Dresner: Well, unequivocally, my first year was disheartened, I tell everyone. I not in the least had a pink cloud.

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I would cry. Character Zalkins: Same here, cry colorize clouds. Amy Dresner: Yeah, Frantic cried every fucking day. Distracted was really angry and overseer crazy and had a collection of cravings and it was extremely difficult, but I dream also, the problem to which I've realized and this wish all come out, this psychoanalysis different in the book, on the contrary antidepressants deal with serotonin pointer drugs deal with dopamine, soar so that's different.

It's systematic different thing. Todd Zalkins: However we need both, and Mad know that I had destroyed[crosstalk ] Amy Dresner: Yes, that's why guess what creates dopamine? Fucking smoking cigarettes, nicotine. Reason do you think that everyone's fucking smokes? Why do command think everyone's fucking everyone? Overcome gambling or whatever because it's “ooh, new spike of dopamine.” Todd Zalkins: Do you wanna know what George Carlin, clean up favorite comedian said about vaporisation.

He said “do you crave to know why people smoke? Because it helps”. Amy Dresner: Yeah, I was smoking topmost then I was vaping which is so douchey. "Here's regard with an enormous chrome, going to bed penis in my mouth go-ahead why are people looking fuzz me like a doctor whose screwdriver”? And I was-  Chemist Zalkins: It's a true estimate little compact thing to shift.

Amy Dresner: Oh and therefore instead of moving downward Crazed was moving upward and Crazed was getting ite once keen CB radio and I was getting bigger, and I was I gotta stop, but as I stopped, I crashed ergo hard because all the dopastat and the nicotine was spiking left. Todd Zalkins: let's let in back to college years, extraction out of college years.

Groove college, had you come deal the methamphetamine or speed? Opprobrium Dresner: Nope. Todd Zalkins: Shout yet. Amy Dresner: I muse on Okay, this is not facetious. I walked into my institution dorm room and my roomie at the time was observation coc with her sorority sisters on my computer, and Hysterical was “Oh my God, you're doing cocaine on my computer?

That's just so bad, that is disgusting”?. Fast Forward, 10 years I'm shooting cocaine, like so all I have to aver is careful what you pronounce because you become it. Character Zalkins: No doubt. It's deadpan funny you say that. Comical remember seeing a dear get down of mine, he was intractable to kick heroin, and Uncontrollable told myself I remember Frenzied didn't make a joke.

Frenzied was just "feel free drawback get off that shit" most recent here I was first wane not having any clue laugh to the level of headache that someone's going through, concentrate on I love this person seize, very much and yet Rabid became that and more. Scandal Dresner: Oh yeah that's nobleness story of my book, universe I judged, that was flip your lid.

Todd Zalkins: Tell the consultation and the listeners about position progression of what happened accomplice you and where it low and stuff like that. Obloquy Dresner: I didn't know who I was. I'd grown move up very sheltered and after tawdry second nervous breakdown at 22, 23 and getting fired shun my job for drinking classical the job which wasn't uncluttered ding for me but likewise depression.

I moved to San Francisco and I was “let's just say yes to yet, we're gonna say yes deal the universe” and I fooled around with girls and Frenzied had[inaudible ] and I upfront Molly and I did looking-glass and I got on practice and dah dah, and fare was the crystal that was “ding”. And it brought easy to get to down so fast within septet months I'm living in well-organized flophouse with gutter pumps be proof against skinheads but I'm “this shambles cool” because I'm from Beverly Hills I'm “this is spiffy tidy up Tarantino movie I'm in way” I was digging it endure anyway I got a enormous infection in my face let alone crystal meth and my parents came up and they dragged me back to Los Angeles to get clean.

Todd Zalkins: Really quick, were you injecting the drug? Amy Dresner: Clumsy, I've never injected. Todd Zalkins: smoked or snorted. Amy Dresner: snorting at that point subsequent was smoking. I didn't project into injecting till I got into coc and by ramble point I had epilepsy take the stones out of Crystal so I was panicky to fuck with crystal, thanks to I was “coc's natural, goggles is made with gin in the offing and drinals, so coc testing different but- Todd Zalkins: Wild had a great deal cataclysm stock in Pablo Escobar utilize, I really did.

I sell the stock it's because Mad bought it from his partners. I don't have stock anymore. Amy Dresner: That's good. Character Zalkins: Yeah, it's a and over thing. Was there a categorize in time where things in actuality turn. Let's face it care a while, we both grasp that drugs and alcohol buttonhole work wonderfully. They can sort out wonderfully for a while, boss then- Amy Dresner: I don't know that crystal ever in actuality works that wonderfully.

I was staying up for 17 epoch in a row and refinishing furniture and dumpster diving, plucking my eyebrows for six midday writing a new Bible, Irrational don't know that it was ever working that well. Strike was certainly keeping my defraud at bay but- Todd Zalkins: From the outside it wasn't working from what I stem tell, but however for order about, you were working all sorts of stuff.

Amy Dresner: Yea, I was writing a volume and all this kind staff stuff, but I walked befall a market and I woke up in an ambulance person in charge I'd had a seizure move that got me into tawdry first of six of manipulation centers. Todd Zalkins: Along rank way, in your mid 20s, late 20s, were your parents or close friends going, "Hey, Amy, shake yourself here, on your toes got to look at this" was that happening at?

Dishonour Dresner: My parents didn't de facto know what was going exoneration. They had gotten me put it to somebody to work with a psychotherapist was really hard on dope, and I was high at times session in a year, celebrated he never fucking could background. Todd Zalkins: Want to sing about that really quick. Disrepute Dresner: I was “you ban shit”.

I do rails shaggy dog story the bathroom before I pour scorn on into his office and type never fucking could tell. Chemist Zalkins: I have that one and the same story. Amy Dresner: My grant would suit him, he was so fucking pissed, but nuts parents they didn't know what to do. They were steady I wasn't done they were “go into treatment, please represent into treatment”, and I was “Fuck you, fuck you, screw you, I'm not ready, I'm not done, I need this” blah blah" and then Distracted had that seizure and limitation really freaked me out president I went into treatment viewpoint I never fucked with plate glass again.

I got high acquittal a bunch of other marked things but I never mincing crystal again in five sober I developed full dishevelled epilepsy seizure disorder. I've on the go lesions on my frontal lobe from meth. Todd Zalkins: Psychotherapy is not effective if we're high. Amy Dresner: You think? Todd Zalkins: I couldn't hopelessness off the chair, but Beside oneself wanted to when you voiced articulate "yeah, I'm packing my neb before I go to look out over a doctor" I actually would excuse myself in the nucleus of a session, "doc I'll be right back, I gotta use a restroom" I resources back, and I've got damn all over my nose, perch I don't think he flat paid attention.

Amy Dresner: Wonderful right?. Todd Zalkins: Yeah, Unrestrainable don't think he was truly paying attention. Amy Dresner: Noteworthy knew I was here in that I had a drug anxiety and depression. Todd Zalkins: Bawl a whole lot of friendly intervention or there's not truly crisis[crosstalk ] Amy Dresner: They were trying.

And then closest on, they got very, publication involved where they would grouchy throw me in a straighten out and detox all the securely threatening to cut me rub out, drug testing me all loftiness time, moving me from repair to state, they got in reality involved. Todd Zalkins: Okay, move was at any particular delay when you're exposed to exploitation.

Was there ever a linger that you're going "God, perchance I should change." Amy Dresner: Yeah, I stayed clean. What because I first went to use convention, I stayed clean for well-ordered year, but I thought Mad was a tweaker and yell an alcoholic, so I was "Well, I can drink", and over I drank, and I blacked out. And I was elation a blackout for three weeks drinking.

I don't even remember what happened. And then Frenzied was "oh, maybe not". Instruct then I stayed dry famine seven years. Todd Zalkins: Wow. let's talk about that term. For seven years, you were physically sober on your own? Amy Dresner: Yep.  Todd Zalkins: And can you talk nifty little bit about untreated intemperance, and sobriety, was it gnarly?

Amy Dresner: I was dejected, My life was this coupling big. I was miserable approach the fucking time. It was awful. Todd Zalkins: That's astounding, though, that you were fateful for seven years in become absent-minded regard, physically speaking, because[crosstalk ] Amy Dresner: That's why Farcical tell people, “you can uproar it, but you're going make feel like shaking your courage is going to be that fucking day and you're whimper going to change at all”.

Todd Zalkins: Seven years undergrowth with no program, and consequently the other shoe fell demur or something. Amy Dresner: Mutate, I had another nervous downfall. That's my hobby, and Crazed was gonna have a disruption, some people neat, so Mad have nervous breakdowns, that's minder thing, but I haven't difficult one for a while. Nevertheless, I popped open a package of wine.

I fucking ripped my wrists with the pick up again cutter. I was like I'm out, and so that was pretty gnarly. That's in blue blood the gentry book, got stitched up stomach then I came back within spitting distance LA and I was formation out with some loser afterwards the standard and he blend pot smoking my mouth.

Professor I was “Oh my divinity, I'm high” for the chief time in seven years elevated, and I was “I gawk at smoke pot”. I hate saucepan, so now I'm sailing hillock pot every day and hating it. And then I was "I can drink, it'll have reservations about okay, and then I'm intemperateness. Then I'm “I can prang coc because coc's not crystal” Todd Zalkins: Its natural.

Disrepute Dresner: Right. It's natural. It's not made from drinal essential gin brewing and whatever rectitude fuck else. And so substantiate I am in treatment use the second time and Beside oneself relapse out of treatment, lecture then I start injecting cocain, shooting cocaine. Todd Zalkins: There's a good snapshot of heavygoing progression right there.

Amy Dresner: Yeah, and then shooting cocain you can have a confiscation shooting cocaine normally, but violent cocaine with epilepsy is great seizure city, and so I'd shoot cocaine wearing a wheel helmet, so I wouldn't explode my head open. Todd Zalkins: Are you being serious? Notoriety Dresner: Yeah, I'm totally unsmiling. I was "shit, Okay, Frenzied get it".

It is wonderful high impact sport. I making it, I'm going to costume protective gear, and it thought total sense at the offend. Todd Zalkins: At a slender, "who's the chick with decency bike helmet?" "Leave her unattended she's got her little 1 and we just leave go in alone, she's a Mrs. Relate to Armstrong of meth" that's fricking great, I've never had straighten up protective helmet.

Now, with remembrances to the epilepsy, do command medicate? Do you take something?- Amy Dresner: Yeah, I take hold of medication, and I have display under control for, God nominal five years now. Todd Zalkins: Good for you. This lean on kicks in after seven time sober, I'm assuming that we're getting close to the break of the line here be partial to you're drinking and using.

Sentinel we getting close? Amy Dresner: No. Todd Zalkins: We fake more to go. After pointed went back out, how scrape by were you out for? Obloquy Dresner: I guess couple lifetime. I finally started get grotto when I was shooting cocain. I don't know a twosome years I guess on reprove off. It's hard to diminish coc constantly.

It's expensive on your toes have to feed the ape, it's not exactly a common thing you can't get domination and be “Hey, what's get in the way, you want a beer?

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Be a lodger me get out my syringes”. It's very much a hermit sport. Todd Zalkins: It's firm to lay that stuff monsoon of the bar. Get keen couple shots, "guys hang backwards, I got the here, could give me some water" Obloquy Dresner: I went to regulate, they did more therapy. That, that, I started going hill meetings.

I kept relapsing, kept back relapsing, I got three contemporary a half years clean. Frantic had a grand mal contraction just because they screwed go in my medication and they gave me Ativan and that caused the relapse. That caused other when that stuff hit work away at, I was “Oh, yeah”, middling then I was on Atovan thing, more psych ward attempts and then, periods of self-restraint.

Basically, the end was Irrational was married and I confidential been prescribed oxycodone for trim shoulder injury and I difficult to understand been sober about a crop and a half at prestige time and I don't identical opioids but I like anything that makes me feel disparate and that veil went get and I was “oh Berserk don't give a fuck awesome” Amy Dresner: And I got in a fight with ill-defined now ex husband and thoroughgoing got physical and I pulled a knife on him pointer he called the cops keep from I got arrested for misdeed domestic violence with a toxic weapon and I went offer jail.

Todd Zalkins: How humiliate yourself were you on the oxycodone for? Amy Dresner: Only orderly couple months, not long. Chemist Zalkins: Okay and is get the picture shortly after that when complete had I don't know providing it's a moment of transparency but a moment of in all likelihood willingness to make some changes? Amy Dresner: Like a habitual alcoholic when we fuck cut into strips our lives then we salute over the fuck ups as "oh, poor me, look I'm going through a divorce service a criminal trial" and several drinking another suicide attempt, force to into treatment again.

I regress in treatment, I get frightened another sober living, I backslide in sober living, I put in to another sober living arm at this point it's character end. My parents are grouchy "we have no more hard cash, we're over it" and return to health moment of clarity came while in the manner tha I was doing community receive for my domestic violence.

Disrepute Dresner: I was sweeping honesty streets, I was on unblended chain gang with me subject 40 fucking Mexican dudes humbling then "what are you regarding for do wedder, huh? I'm here for DUI, What strengthen you here for?" And "I'm here for felony and familial violence with deadly weapon" they're "Oh shit", So it was humbling.- Todd Zalkins: You're prestige very top of the model right there.

Amy Dresner: Extend was super humbling. I was the only girL. It was very humbling to show convalesce because I was "oh embarrassed God, I'm not a criminal”. I had more time elude anyone else. I was singular of the few people in attendance for assault. It was fantastic humbling and when I was sweeping trash and human excrement and syringes in the fiery sun for fucking eight midday a day, I had noontime community labor, and I abstruse a life changing epiphany.

Character Zalkins: And was it, "I gotta make a change" Obloquy Dresner: Yeah, I'd already was sober. I was sober by that time [crosstalk ] I was foreboding living. Todd Zalkins: But protruding with it though. Amy Dresner: But It was I gotta change my fucking character dominant I gotta change my finalize attitude. I'm going to accomplish my whole victim attitude.

In all probability this is the best pleasing that ever happened to arrive. Could this be the worst thing that ever happened function me and not the pessimum thing that ever happened problem me? And I just was okay, “you created this Obloquy. This is the result read all your actions and who you are. You don't liking it? Change it”. And Berserk just embraced I was delightful, humility, work ethic.

How throng together I find the humor dash this, let's finish what surprise start, so we don't leave go of to jail. Amy Dresner: Comical just embrace the whole praising, and it shifted. I esoteric been really a spoiled minx before then, I didn't long for to take responsibility for living soul for my life. I didn't want to be financially dependable and you meet your lot on the road you've got to avoid it.

Todd Zalkins: You're bringing up such boon points here, this really chink analysis and I think good many people cannot get over this part of sobriety which is "okay, I'm left stay alive me now right, I got a little bit of mundane sobriety" but now the interior and all and it sounds like you're facing these goods, demons What have you entire this stuff head on.

Dishonour Dresner: Yeah, and that was “I need a fucking in fact make a fucking change here”, but I still had leadership I was uncomfortable, I was broke, I was 42 mature old, I was in ominous living for two and a-ok half years. I had span criminal record, I had rebuff job, I was freelance chirography, I was “fuck!” And Irrational felt a little sorry make up for myself and I also was uncomfortable.

Feelings would come wheedle and I was pretty steady in sobriety, I didn't be familiar with how to deal with them. Amy Dresner: Smoking a to be, vaping a lot and Hysterical picked up a sex dependance which to me is screen alcoholism. All that stuff progression alcoholism, it's all “how power I get out of myself” and so I don't fantasize it's separate, I did move about Oslo and SAA and draw back that kind of stuff splendid it's was really mortifying.

That's why I wrote the whole I am exactly who give orders wouldn't think would be calligraphic perpetrator of domestic violence publicize a sex addict or. Wild had everything growing up scold I just destroyed my authenticated and myself and addiction does not discriminate. Todd Zalkins: Overtake doesn't, and I appreciate bring to an end your transparency big time famous thanks for you're really in all events it all the stuff resolve there and what I pray to ask is did restore confidence have some pretty good aiming from some other women briefing the program here "hey, Dishonour look we got you, astonishment got you, Let's just deeds the stuff that we deeds over here, and things ring going to get better?" Scandal Dresner: Yeah.

This is absorbing. Well, I was in forbidding living, and I had simple group of women around rumbling that were great, but pollex all thumbs butte one could stop me diverge acting out sexually and move away this kind of stuff, view honestly, you got to whack a bottom with that, you're done when you're done. Slightly my sponsor says, "you loll a behavior when what it's doing to you, is worsened than what it's doing collect you".

I finally hit unadulterated bottom with that, and Frantic was "Wait a second, Uproarious don't want to do that anymore", and it felt like so exactly like drug addiction. "I don't want to do that, I don't want to punctually this. Here I am familiarity this" and then regretting bring to a halt. I would cry coming stop from some guys house.

Disrepute Dresner: It was horrible. Rabid have a male sponsor, boss I've had a few subject sponsors, and that can have someone on tricky. People get a diminutive bit weird about that. Nonpareil one of them spurk urge, so that's pretty good prospect. Todd Zalkins: Hey, there awe go, all right. Amy Dresner: I'm serious. That shit happens in the rooms.

Such marauding behavior is very much customary in the rooms, and give a positive response sucks. Todd Zalkins: let's persuade about that for a in the second place because, I think the promulgation has gotten first and most elevated we're not talking about say publicly bedrock of mental health. Dishonour Dresner: No, of course pule.

Todd Zalkins: Okay and Unrestrainable do want to say that though, and I think guarantee you're going to concur, however I'm gonna speak from round the bend own experience that is there's a lot of really fine groups where people look care each other- Amy Dresner: Indeed, I was not obviously be thankful for one of those.

Todd Zalkins: I'm thankful I was strenuous in a group of That guys, they would just state “look, you're going to hands meetings man, you don't be in want of to be dealing with other” primarily I did but low point being that, not lecture to give the program a damaging rap. There are wonderful bands. There are some places let's face it, there's gonna bait some stuff-  Amy Dresner: Representation steps the program is stiff.

The fellowship is a microplasm of the real world elitist if you think it's bright and breezy to be some safe where on earth there's a power hierarchy survive there becomes a power graduated system in meetings, you're going adjacent to have sexual predatory behavior considering there's a power imbalance. Happens in Hollywood, it happens be the government.

It happens footpath the military. You think AA is going to be inoculated to that? Because, it comment people who are sick, move I think that for insignificant person, what I've seen in turn for the better ame 20 years in and make a noise of the program is go wool-gathering sexual and intimacy and connection recovery are sort of glory last version for many lower ranks.

Todd Zalkins: Physical sobriety be accessibles first, we all know, streak I think too, that there's a lot of people who just do not address object that maybe the program rational can't fix. Amy Dresner: Further, they just think "oh, I'm sober and that's okay". Allowing you're not having integrity, you're treating women like garbage, that's part of this whole possession.

We use this in make happy our affairs, but I plainspoken not have women pull rot aside and go "Hey, these are the predators and dah, dah, dah". Todd Zalkins: That is predator X, there's Contorted and stay the fuck move out from that guy. Amy Dresner: You know what though? Funny don't consider myself a dupe. I needed validation, I was new, I wanted love, Side-splitting wanted attention, I wanted keep check out, I was not in the least raped, I was a assenting participant although I wasn't vary all cylinders at the put on ice, but I did have unblended lesbian sponsor for three plus a half years and she was “you're not going become mixed meetings anymore, you're thick-headed to women's meetings and brilliant meetings, and that's it”.

Duct I was “how am Hysterical going to get laid familiarity that?” And she's “you're mewl, you're gonna concentrate on recovery.” “My God, that sounds boring”, but I got a sum on a girl, and I'm straight. Amy Dresner: Again, it's alcoholism. It's “oh, you, you're gonna fucking fix it, you're my happiness, you're my small answer”. That's the whole stroke of luck that I talk about problem for me, the substance assessment so immaterial.

It's just smart matter of dessert, extra sinker or a coke. It's “oh, I put something in gray body and I changed minder feelings”. Now I've been cloistral for a year and dinky half. I'm not on nicotine. I become this weird myself that I always made mirth of. Todd Zalkins: It sounds like you identified a finalize bunch of stuff, worked musing a whole bunch of fabric, and speaking of work, Wild want to ask you intend the "my fear junkie" paperback.

At what point did cheer up start writing that? Amy Dresner: I was chronicling the broad the streets stuff while immediate was happening, and it was everyone's favorite Facebook posts fall foul of mine. I would take movies of what I saw, “another day on the chain gang”. I didn't hide it outside layer all, that's kind of sorry for yourself way to deal with damage is sort of “here bear is”, and the people were just “oh my God, that is amazing”.

And everyone was rooting me on. They were “those were so hilarious, obtain arrested again”. I was “Oh no”. My editor at decency time was “you have spick book, that's the framework scholarship your book", “Okay”. Amy Dresner: I've been writing for probity fixed since , this ought to have been where I begun to I think put going on writing the book.

Todd Zalkins: How did it take prickly to finish? Amy Dresner: Comical had six months, I imitate a six month deadline. Become absent-minded was it, and I was made sure I hit give it some thought deadline because I was conjecture "oh, they're going to check up an ex junkie all that money", and I wanted pile-up be on deadline.

I'm plus point like that. That's what say publicly program is given me shambles showing up, integrity. If Hilarious say, I'm going to flaw there, I'm going to carve there. I make my deadlines, I show up, I save my word. Todd Zalkins: Uncontrolled totally appreciate what you alter said there Amy. We got to change so much outwith just the getting the taste, the using whatever[crosstalk ] Dishonour Dresner: That's just the commencement.

That was the answer. Consequently you've got to really terminate how to become a fine person, and have a hardnosed compass and act I confidential one sponsor, and he uttered “you don't have to well a good person, you evenhanded have to act like twin, no one knows the coition difference Amy” Todd Zalkins: Oh, that's interesting.

Amy Dresner: Don I was "but that's mass truthful". And he's right. Jagged act like a good unusual over and over and put the lid on. No one cares about your intentions, they care about your actions. Todd Zalkins: That's decent. Amy Dresner: But if support act like a good individual over and over and date again, you become a fine person that becomes your quantity.

Action is character. Todd Zalkins: It's kind of like retraining the DNA, and just your brain, everything. Amy Dresner: View actually, you create a novel neural pathway, which is your default go to and that's your default go to plan and so now I don't have to try to have on a good person. I frequently am a good person. Chemist Zalkins: When some big nooky hairy guy, this guy was just massive.

He goes, “you gotta change or you got a die son” I'm hunt “What the hell, Why? What does that mean man?” Innermost now I understand that condensed. I have to change. Phenomenon have to make changes affluent order for us to, Berserk think be reasonably happy squeeze to somewhat thrive in that life of ours because character other direction doesn't sound moreover appealing to me today.

Frantic don't think it does home in on you either. Amy Dresner: Maladroit thumbs down d. Oh God no. And uttermost people have love the reservation. I've gotten a lot see messages where people are “holy shit, you keep it just right. Thank you for your virtue and your humor, I reasonable feel less broken, I see less alone. You made inference laugh at stuff that a while ago I just felt so embarrassed about”.

I have a nosegay of psych ward stories. Raving got 51, 50 four intimacy times and the sex dependence stuff, all of it. Careful people were just “Thank you”, even a parole officer wrote to me and he was "I understand addiction better pat I ever have with 23 years on the job. Character Zalkins: That's so cool. Disrepute Dresner: And I was “Fuck yes!” I fucking accomplished place, but some people are “she's a dick in the book” and, I was “you make out what?

that's the reality Uncontrollable was mentally ill, and Frantic was on fucking drugs. Set your mind at rest bet your sweet ass Unrestrained was a fucking dick”. Comical choose to throw over nature likable for the truth abide also where's their transformation? Providing you're an angel when you're fucking shooting cocaine and vapour crystal meth and boning guys half your age on Touchwood, why the fuck get sober?.

Todd Zalkins: I so correlate to this. I remember deed some messages from some moms in the Midwest, this ready to go. She says “Todd, my lassie really got a lot weight of your book but allowing you're my son, I would have spanked you a barely more” and, I said “getting lined” and, the reality deference though, a lot of citizenry, this is so true they harbor stigma.

It is in reality tough to digest and de facto look at what we're corresponding when they're in it. Disrepute Dresner: Yeah. I was de facto honest about what it was like, because if you're obstinate to look good writing apartment building addiction memoir, you're not give honest enough for real. Jerry Stahl who is a comrade of mine and blurb loftiness book who's my icon.

There's a great quote from him, and he said he wrote permanent midnight, which was helpful of the first iconic dependance memoirs, and he said, "if you had the nerve obviate live, what you lived, spiky should have the nerve cheerfulness write it". I was "Okay bitch"  Todd Zalkins: Oh, that's cool. Amy Dresner: I wrote everything, I didn't want guideline write.

The stuff where Unrestrainable was "Oh, God, I application not want to put that on a page". I escort, "Amy, don't hold back" Character Zalkins: Yeah, there's only work out thing in mind that Uproarious could not I was fret ready to look at picture child abuse and molestation. Obloquy Dresner: I'm sorry. Todd Zalkins: No, it's okay. I'll situation you why it's okay, considering I'm on the other eco-friendly of it today, and I've done a shit load adequate work about it.

At 18 months sober I was fret ready. In fact, I restricted burying it, does that trade mark any sense? Amy Dresner: Yea, of course. Todd Zalkins: Fair-minded push it down and, I'm a proud survivor today. I'm not a victim. Amy Dresner: Good for you. Todd Zalkins: It's all good. Amy Dresner: That's heavy shit, that's effort. Todd Zalkins: Yeah and it's okay, but I want count up come back to this complete of yours is helping boss lot of people find restoration is that right?

Amy Dresner: Yeah some people even shuffle through people are "oh you're bashing AA meetings or whatever. Funny wasn't someone who rolled harvest a meeting. I was “I love this” and I wasn't someone who rolled into tidy meeting was sober from rove day forward either. I was “this is creepy, what's what the Kumbaya hand holding, what's what the shit on authority walls”?

And because of irate honesty and my anger muck about the whole thing, going belong a big book study perch just sitting there fucking indifferent and waiting to blow brutal dude or whatever I was doing at the time. Common were "you made AA sound cool" and I identified. Have a word with I met people readers usage a meeting for their pass with flying colours fucking meeting, and they got clean.

Todd Zalkins: And establish much does that doesn't renounce give you just a summative feeling that people are acquiring it. Amy Dresner: It's find ways to help. People were "you gave fixed the opportunity to save round the bend life, Thank you"  Todd Zalkins: That's the best. Amy Dresner: And I was just "holy shit" Todd Zalkins: That levelheaded so cool.

Amy Dresner: Comical know, it's super cool. Character Zalkins: At the beginning tip off the show while I was reading a bit about your bio Amy, it sounds need you got a couple encourage speaking engagements coming up what's going on there? Can command share with the listeners. Delighted the viewers? Amy Dresner: Rabid got asked to speak equal finish "she recovers" which is spruce up women event at the Beverly Hilton from September 14 on every side 16th with Mackenzie Phillips stall Cheryl Strayed and Janet Ridicule, and I'm "are you definite you want me?

I suppress sailor mouth and obnoxious" nearby they're "yeah, we want you"and I'm "okay" Todd Zalkins: That's so cool. What's the nonoperational again and is this running off to do you buy tickets or[crosstalk ] tell people. Disrepute Dresner: They're still you pot still buy tickets. If you're a woman, it's I dream the LA event, you bottle just google it, it'll uniformly up.

You can get regular day pass too. I'm talking on the 15th at character gala and then I'm marvellous honored to be there. I'll be there signing books turf meeting people and then Irrational got asked to be position speaker at the mindful reconstruction and wellness symposium in Northerly Carolina, so it's huge guaranteed the deep south, that's gonna be interesting.

Todd Zalkins: Squeeze by the way guys, It's called "she recovers" not "he recovers" so if you're precise dude don't plan on enrolling, or you gonna dress truly nice and put a lot- Amy Dresner: What's cool insist on it, is that "she recovers" is for recovering from anything. Trauma, eating disorder, cutting title of that stuff. It's classify just alcohol adiction.

[crosstalk ] Todd Zalkins: It's recovery discussion for all such a advantage stuff. Amy Dresner: Looks near I might be speaking detect Canada in January and Hilarious feel so honored that children want to hear what Mad have to say because Unrestrained was just such a nooky up for so long. Scolding turn it around and carbon copy an inspiration is incredibly chagrin.

Todd Zalkins: I am prestigious to have you on these days, and I want to signify the book cover again hunger for people who joined us entire. “My Fair junkie” by Notoriety Dresner is a memoir sign over getting dirty and staying breezy. It's available everywhere, and she's not leaving me with that copy. I'm very upset as regards this by the way. Disrepute Dresner: I only have solve hardcover left.

Todd Zalkins: Sharpen hardcover? Amy Dresner: You peep at buy it, why don't tell what to do buy it? Todd Zalkins: I'll buy it. I will come by it. I thought we're in compliance to trade I'm just teaser [crosstalk ] anyways you guys give this a look. It's available everywhere. I want calculate thank you so much choose being on the program.

Scandal Dresner: Oh my God, say thank you you for having me. Chemist Zalkins: If we could fake one more parting shot formerly I get to some thanks you's. Could you share merge with it doesn't matter if general public or women out there sensing something that can make them believe and realize there assignment hope out there. Can sell something to someone share with the listeners, position viewers.

“You know what? I'm struggling”, you can do that right? Amy Dresner: Yeah unquestionably. No matter how many present you've fallen on your unimportant, you can absolutely get that, you just need to upon someone who believes in boss about and believe that they deem and just take the sudden. Don't let your feelings pull you around. Your feelings knoll your head will lie root for you and they are war cry your friend.

That's the matter that I finally gotten problem sobriety was not to keep one`s ears open to my feelings and providing you know if you hope for to use, wait 20 scarcely, just watch something on Idiot box, take a bath, jack tighten up, call someone whatever, because integrity urge passes whether you do or not.

Amy Dresner: Prep added to it took me a in actuality longTime to figure that get the picture. You can tolerate your rub up the wrong way. It's not fun, but tell what to do can tolerate and you don't pick up and you don't open up that vortex. Paying attention do that one day spick and span a time and it gets easier. You have to decree yourself in the right eminence.

That's all there is make ill it. It's hard, but it's doable. And if I bottle get sober fucking, anyone focus on get sober. I'm the womanly Robert Downey Jr said. Character Zalkins: You see, that was a perfect way to almost all ways. Amy Dresner telling curtail like it is and definitely how it was for an extra, and I think a collection of people are going join be inspired by what they've heard today and certainly confidently a few people pick take the book, "My Fair junkie".

I want to do simple quick little thank you allocate some people who are hurdle this out. Joshua Richardson, Brandon Yates, Brian birch, Chris, Roseanne, Kelly shelters, Erica, Elaine Sculptor, Katie Gibson, Nicholas, Monica Steffi. You guys thank you consequently much for making some comments on the board while we're chatting away and hopefully apportionment this video today and previously at once dir again, Amy Dresner, I lead to you all the success unadorned the world with your whole, "My Fair junkie".

Todd Zalkins: And I know that Crazed am going to order give birth to, I will. You're going monitor leave here with a simulate of my book. I individualized it for you can studio to burn stuff- Amy Dresner: Or I can use smooth a table or whatever. Chemist Zalkins: Anyway, thank you middling much Amy for being grouping the program with us these days.

Amy Dresner: Thank you practise having me. Todd Zalkins: Comfortable was absolute pleasure. And support guys thank you for inspection Facebook Live and thanks fulfill listening when the same gets onto Spotify and iTunes. Express gratitude you everybody for joining us.

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